stories of constructive depression

Ginsu

Mon, 05 Jan 2009 14:04:21 GMT

We have a customer that comes into Biggby on occasion.
He looks like a mouse. If I could name him, I'd name him Max Peskatori.

Max Peskatori the mouse.

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 21:35:25 GMT

I'm so fucking sick of being treated like an inconvenience.
Nobody is doing my any favors by letting me be me, so stop acting like it.

Cedar Penninsula

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 04:10:01 GMT

7:30 AM
Mental note to feed cat
Shower
Feed cat
clean litter box
empty my bag
fill my bag with roadtrip items
expect Ben and Lindsay to be late
get online...of course
eat cereal, organic sugar cane shredded wheat with bananas
pet cat
suprised when Ben and Lindsay are in fact, on time
more suprised when Amber and Ryan are late
order a steak egg and cheese bagel from MacDonalds just because thats where we stopped. I didnt want it, I really didn't.
talked about spuckfoons, chacha, amber's apparent pee fetish
throw around fart blame
fishsticks fishsticks
Oh look, Cedar Point in the horizon
creepy car with doll heads and random barbie parts glued all over it
left ticket in the trunk
find lockers
take 10 minutes anxiously figuring out how to work the locker
ride the Wicked twister even though the entire way there I suggested Raptor be our first ride
ride lots of things
get crappy lunch
watch wierd/bad actor on stage talking about killing a black cat. apparently thats halloween appropriate
dippin dots!
notice definite blister feeling on left pinky toe
ride stuff with less than 15 minute lines
Gustav!
everything has less than 15 minute lines except Maverick
decide that Raptor isnt my favorite ride anymore, after anticipating it all day
miss kelly tons while being the 5th wheel with two couples
miss her tons
lol, pharoahs secret
love cedar point
ride stuff alone for an hour
try to bribe jhonny rockets worker for chocolate coke
pay for gas
settle for canned caribou coffee after failed chocolate coke bribe
cramped tiny little car. screw Ford cars forever.
home to tell her all about it, only to feel really tired.
decide to force a crappy journal entry out while its fresh in my mind.

i dont know why I even let last year happen. my life is so much better.

please note

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 05:37:53 GMT

I have a macbook

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:21:24 GMT

My name is Drew.
I don't smell like pooh.
But I do like beef stew.

My girlfriends name is Kelly.
She is not smelly.
But she does like raspberry jelly.

woah.

Sun, 22 Jun 2008 16:14:18 GMT

Shaun, if you still read this, I had a dream that you called me up while under the influence of LSD, which you were very excited about, and told me to meet up with you at an elementary school playground. After you said about 3,000 words about how you were crazy and all the colorful spots you were seeing, without breathing, the school's fire alarm went off and sounded something like "illegal substances on the premises" and it ended with us hiding from small school children with machetes in really tall grass.

Just letting you know, if you ever call me up on acid I'm not meeting up with you.

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:23:09 GMT

I've been in a weird music mood lately. I can always listen to Modest Mouse or Minus the Bear and be completely satisfied, everyone knows this. But I've been craving something different. I tried listening to 'Dylan, 'Zeppelin, Rufus, Soundgarden, Van Morrison... all of which were good, but I still haven't hit the spot. I wanna start learning more about Big Band artists, classical, and 60s/70s underground.

I listened to a Scottish AM radio station the other day while playing pool. I'm not going to lie, when they would tell stories of their old Scottish ways of life with their Scottish wenches and their Scottish ale, I wasn't really interested. Like, at all. However, I loved listening to their accents, and I really truly enjoyed the music. I'm not saying I want to become a Scottish music connoisseur, but my taste has really expanded, and I want to learn more artists from the different genres. I'm about to strip my iPod and fill it up with everything and everything that I haven't heard more than once. I don't want to stop listening to what I listen to now; there's nothing wrong with it. I love variety in everything I do, and music shouldn't be an exception.

Give me recommendations, and note that I like the Mandolin.

pure filtered denial

Sat, 12 Apr 2008 23:34:13 GMT

Today was really sad, but also made me thankful for what I have, cliche as it is.

It's really sad, and semi frustrating knowing that certain people will have to go through literal hell in life to finally understand why they were wrong about drug/alchohol/sex abuse in particular, but independent thinking in general.

Some people will never change, no matter how much evidence they have against them. Self deception overpowers logic and "common sense".

Humble yourselves, my loves.

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:49:24 GMT

Watch the super trailer.
http://www.expelledthemovie.com/video.php

UGH.

Fri, 28 Mar 2008 15:52:22 GMT

F *CK.

Everglades

Sun, 16 Mar 2008 22:49:25 GMT

So I have randomly found myself in Florida until wednesday with less than a few days notice.
Findings:
-I'm undecided if I truly ever need to be in a warm climate.
-Things that have nothing to do with you remind me of you anyway
-Things that have everything to do with you remind me of you as well
-Lots of things have brought you to my mind
-Few things have entered my mind that don't have something to do with you
-I'm really freaking hungry
-I'm staying in a suite that is probably 100x nicer than my future apartment
- 100% FYBO time @ theoretical honeymoon suite, for absolute sure.
-I really have absolutely no idea what I'll be doing, who I'll be doing, or where I'll be doing it/them the next few days
-I really need to see some geckos before I leave

"you know me better than I know myself'

Thu, 13 Mar 2008 16:14:46 GMT

"He that is trusting in his own heart is stupid, but he that is walking in wisdom will escape." Proverbs 28:26

How many times more will you prove this to me before I really learn?

You say all I ever do is belittle you. Tell me, how belittling is it to hear "I appreciate that" or "and I admire you so much for it, but..." day in and day out, anytime I say anything at all. If you really appreciated my love, and admired me for what I am, then you would do something with it. You wouldn't go off in these little independant tangents and turn to the friends you say you don't even have. Just the other day you told me talking to Gen was useless, she just pretended to listen and then went off about some wild party she was at the night before when you finish talking. Yet this always changes the day after you spend some time with her. You always come back home to say, "Gen, what a friend. She gets me." Give it two weeks, you'll allow your lonesome to stir up in your heart again. You'll deny her support when you don't have it. Same with him. Same with all your friends. You want to go out and experience independance and do your own thing? It'll be the same with me.

To you, I'm just a silly boy that wants to play religion. To me, you're a silly girl that wants to play grown up. You want to coexist. I want to cooperate. You say everything I want out of you is to please myself. Everything I have done, and have gone through, has been to keep you first in my life. You tell me things in the moment, that I know you better than you know yourself, and that no one has ever cared for you as much as I do. Then you turn your back on that unconditional love and rely on your own thoughts and emotions which, according to you, don't come nearly as close to seeing the real you as I do. So go ahead, go live your life, go see what being a cool kid is all about. You won't be satisfied with me until you do. Go ahead and deny me to experience loneliness and emptiness at its finest. Go experience real heartache, real poverty, real sickness, real death. All the fine little gems of experience this world has to offer. Go tread water for a little bit. I pray that you don't drown.

I've really set myself up to be let down on this one. I will never truly love anyone as much as I love you. Idealy, it'll work out just like you're planning it to. You'll go off and do everything you think you need to do. Then you'll come back, and I'll probably be waiting right here for you to come to your senses. I believe there's a possibility now that I won't be here waiting. Maybe I'll move on, maybe I'll come to my senses. Just like you said, you might be able to control yourself, but you can't control your future. Is that how that line of bullshit went? I don't really remember.

Whatever happens, happens.

Oh hey.

Thu, 07 Feb 2008 06:14:58 GMT

I'm getting an apartment on a river with willow trees.

We're taking the walls down in my basement and it's really sad. I took pictures.

I used to think I was a dumbass, and then Spyke came around

Wed, 19 Dec 2007 15:43:10 GMT

"You're clearly not the smartest man in Tokyo or Hiroshima, though you might be the tallest."

"I dunno, Yao Ming and all."

"He's from China."

"Oh that's right"

"Dumbass"

"Well I was going to wish you a happy holiday, but now I hope your Christmas goes to shit."

Sometimes work isn't so bad.

Tue, 04 Dec 2007 00:50:53 GMT

I'm more confident in my future than ever, thanks to you.

I'm more anxious for my future than ever, thanks to you.

lll(ll)

omg

Mon, 26 Nov 2007 02:37:58 GMT

omg omg omg omg...

omg.

Wed, 21 Nov 2007 17:30:55 GMT

Kayyy I'm picking up lots of shifts which is good because it's mo'monay for Boston. I have to pack all day tomorrow though.

My brace fell off again in the same spot and I think I swallowed it this time. Orthodontist at 12:45.

i'm eating: Apple juice, egg bagel with cream cheese, pistachio pudding, and adderall. yum.

My mom doesn't like me lots right now. TOUGH COOKIEZ

Brit is actually holding a job now and is probably going to end up sleeping with her boss.

Nolan and Andy are cute. I like Nolan's hair more than any dumb celebrity's.

I'm sorry if it sounds bad, but I havnt really listened to what anyone has said to the full extent I usually do, over the past few days.
All I can think about; in less than a week, I'll be with my baby that I've missed so much. Good timing, because I seriously can't wait much longer. I feel like a rice-feeding pidgeon

Tue, 20 Nov 2007 02:59:55 GMT

It's funny how undeniably my mind has changed.

Sat, 17 Nov 2007 05:39:20 GMT

so I'm 19.

18 was a crazy year. Not all good, but one of the most important things of my life happened. So 18 was a great year.

Canada, I guess.

November 17th doesn't have shit on November 27th.

Late night rhymin like my name was P Diddy

Sat, 10 Nov 2007 08:38:22 GMT

In an hour
I'll be in the shower

After I get out
I'll call Melissa up
Who's probably passed out
but shes gotta open up

if she's hung over
I'm gonna beat the shout out of'er

I didn't sleep tonight
so my head isn't quite right
but if I turn out the light
I'll probably sleep 'til tomorrow night

then I'd be late for work
by an hour or two
and I'd lose my job
which is the last thing I need to do

so here I will sit
my eyes on the clock
makin money for my honey
she's my life
and I'm on top of it

no seriously I'm delerious as all hell and if any of you hold this against me i'll fist fight you

take a stab at my self centered

Fri, 09 Nov 2007 05:24:59 GMT

I just got home from work.
My back fucking hurts.
I thought,
"I deserve some chili cheese fries and a beer."

Oh hey, I have both in my fridge.

Yum.

I would have texted you but you deserve sleep, so I'll talk to you in the morning.

Tomorrow =
Plane/Hotel fare paycheck
Goodbye Express
Hello Metropark

I'm buying a BMW.

in the morning and amazing

Sat, 03 Nov 2007 11:46:58 GMT

Good news for people who love bad news is simply the most perfect album to listen to in the wee hours of the morning. Just play it nice and low but still audible. I'm cold, and have every right to be pissed, but I'm fine and completely happy. I have you and thoughts of being in love with you to thank, I suppose.

God I need a cold one, now

Thu, 01 Nov 2007 02:36:41 GMT

I hardly even notice every little fickle thing that would have at one time set me off in a opinionated rampage.

I'm genuinely in love with ~~my life, my mind, and my future~~.
our life, our minds, and our future.

I've said it once, but I'll probably never stop bringing it up.
I'm just so happy.
27 days.

mental secretary position filled

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 17:30:00 GMT

I realized I like Culture because it can be summarized as large scale personality.
This is also why I have some interest in racial differences. I guess I'm a racist, but from a scientific aspect.
Like a zoologist, or a sociologist.
In this, I've also changed my mind about old people in a broad scale, and children as well.
I kinda hated them, almost in a racist fashion, but I'm starting to take heart!

I want to make a video featuring a lone wall in the middle of a rich district with a bucket of spraypaint and a sign that says, "feed me"
and then I'll be standing with a tripod and a video camera, and try to get different people, all ages sizes races whatever,
to tag the wall using two entire cans of spraypaint. I really want to get:
An older woman in her 70s, preferably with a walker or cane and a rude demeanor.
A middle aged Indian man
A high school aged blond mall girl
An urban chameleon suit and tie business man

Unrelated:
I dropped today at 8am.
Had breakfast with mom.
Showered, went to meeting.
Went and visited Melissa briefly at Beaners.
I love Melissa.
Came home, talked to parents, bargained computer time with my mom while she was fixing the printer.
Talking to Kelly because this is mandatory and I need it more than I need my Job.
I now have to work 2-8.
I have to have a family study with my parents when I get home.
My sister is supposed to call after work.
I need to talk to Kelly again tonight, because it's my glass of wine.

I am busy.

strawberry fields forever

Sun, 28 Oct 2007 04:49:14 GMT

I love the feeling of understanding.
If it were easy, or even possible to share understanding with everyone on earth, of course I would.
All that matters is that I try and share it with who I can, and those I love.

I love you.